48 Times Children Accidentally Proved Themselves To Be True Comedians, As Shared In This Viral Thread

48 Times Children Accidentally Proved Themselves To Be True Comedians, As Shared In This Viral Thread

Love it or loathe it, it’s not a secret that parenting can be a handful.

Whether you dreamed of having a big family since you were a kid or you unconsciously caved into the antiquated belief that having children means you’ve succeeded in life – you’ve likely experienced regret at least a couple of times.

To learn more about the troubling thoughts that some parents get, Bored Panda reached out to a parenting coach. “I think most parents have moments where they think - did I really sign up for this? And it can be made worse by the pressure we feel from social media - the ‘perfect family’ pictures,” Laura said when we pondered whether feeling this low was normal.

We then questioned our expert on what someone should do if they are having such thoughts, and the woman responded as follows: “First things first - a reality check. Pause and remember that everyone is doing the best that they can - us, our kids, and other people. Don’t suffer alone. Find someone to talk to if you are struggling with parenting guilt/regrets. Get honest with your friends about your parenting struggles, and you will find that they’ll open up to you about theirs.”

In short, raising a kid is bound to be challenging. However, there are plenty, if not more, things that make being a parent awesome. Their imagination, intelligence – I mean, you’ve literally got a friend for life. Plus, let’s not forget all the funny things they say! Laura, for instance, advises all parents to write things down: “We always think we’ll remember what our kids say that is funny, but we don’t. So keep a record of their funny/cute sayings somewhere, as part of a memory box to treasure.”

Now, onto the article!

“What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you?” – this web user turned to one of Reddit’s most informative and thought-provoking communities, asking its members to reveal the funniest things their offspring have ever said to them. The thread managed to garner over 5K upvotes as well as 2.8K comments containing some hilarious tales.

More info: Reddit | Encouraging Parents


My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy's hand. He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together. I told him he was a good boy.

Image credits: ValuableMine9


We were on a tour of China a few years ago, and the group was taking the bullet train from Beijing to Shanghai. The tickets for our group had us all sitting on one side of the carriage, and the other side was all Chinese locals. It was the middle of summer and everyone was wearing shorts.

Halfway through the five hour trip a young Chinese girl, about three years old, starts walking up and down the aisle tapping everyone’s bare legs as she walks past. She’s got the attention of the whole carriage by now.

The Chinese people on one side all have smooth legs. But when she gets to one of the guys in our group, a Mediterranean type with thick black hair on his legs, she stops in her tracks. Pokes it. A couple of times. Then says something in Chinese and half the carriage roars with laughter.

One of the locals announced “She said Panda” and the other half of the carriage lost it too.

Image credits: taxdude1966


Late to the party but anyway. A few weeks ago my three year old son was cuddling in his mother's arms and sweet talking to her. Here it goes

him : "mom I'm the little baby mouse and you're the mama mouse"

her : "oh honey that's sweet, thanks"

him : "...and daddy is the daddy mouse"

her : "oh ok sweet"

him : ...

her : ...

him : ...

her : "and your little sister ?"

him : "MY SISTER IS A RAT !"

Image credits: oui_mais_non


This was me as a kid but I told my grandmother that I was an octopus and wished I could wrap my testicles around her. I missed her so much and wanted a hug. I’m also a female

Image credits: theWildBore


Saw a cute little boy, probably 3 or 4, smiling at me while in line at a grocery store checkout. I smiled back, he said 'Hi,' so I said 'Hi,' back.
His mom was smiling, and I said, 'What a handsome little man.'
He said, 'If you come to my house I have chocolate money.'
Best offer I've ever had.

Image credits: MopsyMom


5 Year Old: “Today is my lucky day!”

Me: “Oh yeah?”

5YO: “Yup. My lucky day.”

Me: “So, what happened today?”



5YO: “Well I don’t think that’s any of your business”

Image credits: Arbenyn


Half said, half action. Was taking her to nursery in the middle of winter. She had those mittens that connected to her coat with string,but wasn't wearing them and was complaining that her hands were cold.

Me - if your hands are cold, why don't you put your mittens on then sweetheart?
Her - I can't daddy, my mittens are full of oats.

*she then up-ends her gloves and porridge oats pour out of her mittens making two little mounds on the floor*

Image credits: sockhead99


I was sitting on a rock looking kinda haggard because I was overheating in a satyr costume at a ren faire. A passing child looked me up and down and went, "It'll be okay, goat."

Image credits: Swanbrother


I was helping 5yo with a computer game. He said

"Dad you're like a black hole at this"

[long pause]

"You suck so much"

Image credits: WulfRanulfson


During a lesson as a swim teacher

Kid: So do you live here?

Me: What do you mean?

Kid: Once the lesson is over, do you like live in this pool?

Image credits: PurpleFunk36


Shortest story - asked a 4 year old how he wanted his eggs. He replied "Good". Touché.

Image credits: Crosswired2


I let my niece out of her car seat and said, “You’re free!” She responded, “No, I’m free and a half!” She was 3 1/2 years old

Image credits: akchemy


My son was complaining of being hot so I was changing him into a t-shirt. He was still hot and crying about something else, I couldn’t understand what he wanted. Finally he screamed “You know, T-PANTS!!!” He meant shorts, he wanted shorts.


I asked my 11 year old son why his room was always so messy and can he keep it clean? He sighs, puts his hands on my shoulders and says 'Mum, I'm not that type of person.' and closes the door. I burst out laughing in the hallway, I was not expecting that response.

Image credits: JAutumn78


Working for a school. Listening to kids babble on about whatever, I had a child tell me “I have 3 brothers, they all have girlfriends. Except one them and he paints his nails but I don’t know why..”


I'm a fat kid 187.3 pound's to be correct at the age of 16 and when I was going to school this new little kid comes in the bus see me (mind that i always sit in tha last row) approaches me and says can I sit next to you and I like "sure, no problem" so he sits beside me then leans on my tummy and now I WTF is he doing?????? then I tell him that it makes me feel uncomfortable and he looks me dead in the eyes and say's "oh i thought that was a pillow my father has the same pillow and he let's sleep on it and my mother also". I nearly died of laughing.


"I'm not supposed to tell, but the doctor said to my dad he's fat." - 5 year old cousin.

Image credits: whatsupitty


My 4 year old nephew asked me why there was a man in a field dressed in a horsey suit. He was looking at a horse.

Image credits: anon


-18 working at a boy scout camp during the summer. Store manager.

Kid comes up (M 10?11?) and he points at his face
“We have the same!”

Me: “The same?”

Him: “We have the same!”

Me:”Same what?”

Him:”Your teeth are messed up just like mine”

Out of nowhere roasted by a child lmao

Thanks for the award. He definitely did not mean it rudely, but how it came about was hilarious.

Image credits: ItsYourLocalRock


I baked muffins for my five year old and he said “Well, they taste okay.. but I’m thinking the people at the stores do a better job”

I just LOVE how brutally honest children are, and not in a passive-aggressive way like adults tend to do, just straight up honesty.

He gave me a hug afterwards and asked if we could play outside. I love kids, they’re great—most of the time xD

Image credits: UnsavouryPie


I was standing at a chain link fence watching an excavator tear down an old school. A boy about seven years old came to join me and we watched together for a while. Then he turned to me and said, "This is the happiest day of my life." I guess for a boy, seeing an excavator and it was tearing down a school... well, it just doesn't get any better than that.

Image credits: Intagvalley


In France 7-years-old is considered the "age of reason". Apparently my daughter had this on her mind a lot leading up to her birthday. When she woke up on her 7th birthday, she told me, "I think the age of reason starts at 8 years old".

Image credits: close_my_eyes


I was breastfeeding my son while babysitting my 3yo nephew. Thos is how the conversation went:

N: what's that?

M: it's my boob, the baby's milk comes from there

N: oh..

N:...that's a nice boob.

He then patted my boob and went to play with his toys.


I'm a chubby guy, anyway I was hanging out with some friends after work and one of my friend's kid just plainly says, "You're wiggily." We all bust out laughing at this because it was such an astute observation. Later we were all getting ready to sit down to dinner and the same kid then says, "I'm going to sit next to the Wiggily One!" At that point my friends and I absolutely lost it.

Image credits: WarriorJax


My cousin who was like 3 at the time asked me how old I am and I said 22 he goes “ oh I thought you were 50”

Image credits: Jack1715


My daughter definitely had it coming when she was two and said “Mommy, I’m not going to use the potty anymore! I’ll just go in my pants.”

Image credits: ericwen


I used to be quite heavy, though people always said I "carried it well."
One day I was shopping at the grocery store, and noticed a rather attractive young mother looking at the produce with her little girl, probably 3 or 4 years old.
Just as I worked my way past them, the little girl looked up at me, smiled sweetly, and said, "Hello, fat man."

Image credits: gofatwya


Back when my son was 3 I spent a lot of time teaching him about road safety and how to safely cross the street. I told him that at intersections you had to wait for the little white man to appear on the crosswalk light before you could start to cross the road and not to go when the orange hand was there.

Of course, my son starts screaming "DADDY WHERE'S THE WHITE MAN?!" at the top of his lungs every time we walk up to an intersection. We're Caucasian. Being three he screeches this at everyone we encountered, regardless of race, demanding to know if they knew the white man.

Image credits: kor_hookmaster


Had recently shaved and gelled my hair into a mohawk and some random kid whom i walked past said: "Hey cool guy". Not really what i'm used to hearing so i laughed.


My little sister was showing off all of her toys to my friends once. I was ~15, she was ~5.

She brought out a doll with bright green hair.

Her: Now, this is just an ordinary doll...

Me: Her hair doesn't look very ordinary.

Her (suddenly exasperated): It's in a BRAID, *CarrotAnkles*!

Said friends still call me by name in the exact same tone.


My 4 yo cousin was firmely convinced that MJ died in the 80s, so I told him that I remembered his death so it couldn't have passed such a long time. He looked at me and serious as hell ascertained that I was pretty old to behave the way I do and then asked me if dinosaurs were still alive when I was a kid.


My brother: dad, im not going to tell you the flavor of your surprise birthday cake.

At least he kept something secret


A couple hours after telling my three year old that he was going to be a big brother, he came up to me and asked “mum where are we going to get the skin?”

Turns out he assumed we would be getting the ‘meat’ for the new baby from the butchers.


Overhead a young (like 6-ish) year old boy ask his friend,

"Do you have a girlfriend?"


"Oh. That's okay, we can share mine."

Image credits: EducationalTangelo6


When i was a kid, i remember my friend trying to tell me about lesbians, but she didn’t remember the word „lesbian“.
So she said: „sometimes a woman loves a woman, and kisses her like a man. That woman is a ... uhm ...s-...step-.. SKEPTICAL“


My four year old brother was messing around with a knife, and i grabbed it away from him, and told him to be careful.

He asked me why. So i said he could really hurt himself and die. I then said you know (insert brothers name) if you ever die my heart would be broken.

His reply: You know op if you ever die my heart would be fixed.

Man i was so offended but it caught me so off guard i couldnt help but laugh ahah

Image credits: writingsofadeadpoet1


My friend's little cousin was giving us all Pokémon names. When he got to my biggest friend he said "And you can be Pokémon stadium!"

Image credits: locke3891


My daughter at two and a half years old...

"Daddy, my poo smells like s**t."

Image credits: Sparky62075


Teaching Spanish to a 3rd grade class:

Me: Could someone give me an example of a masculine noun ? (Nouns in Spanish can be masculine or feminine)

Student: perro (dog)

Me: good job!

Student: but it could also be a feminine noun because some people like to call women perras (bitches)

I just looked around to see the rest of the class focused not realizing what their classmate said.


My niece has an old soul and would always come to some big revelations. At a family get together when she was three she flopped down in her chair with a big sigh and said sadly, "some day I'll have to get a job," she looked crushed. When I asked her what job she'd have when she was a grown up she proudly told me she'd make the french fries at mcdonalds

A year later I noticed she was looking sad while visiting and asked her what was wrong. Another big sigh and she hung her head in her hands,

"I'm not married yet."

EDIT: Thank you very much for the award!


“Uncle Drkumph, I peed out of my butt!!” Like he was so excited about it.

He had diarrhea..

Image credits: drkumph


Had a lovely conversation with a small child while at a cousin's birthday party.

"HI Sugarspykes!"

"Hey there kiddo. How'd you know my name?"

"[Cousin] told me! You're the cousin?"

"Yeah, sure am! How'd you know?"

"Your eyes point backwards"

He meant I was Asian. MY EYES POINT BACKWARDS.

Also bonus points for the extra "are you gay or just have boobs?" He gave me when I mentioned I was a boy.

Fellas is it gay to have breasts


I was at a family get together and my cousin ( F2 ) was playing with a toy fish.

When she threw the toy I picked it up and said " The fish is now very sad because you hurt her. She won't play with you anymore. "

She looked at the fish and said

" Hey fishie you are dumb"


"I love pooping because you get to sit and rest"


I was playing "For Honor" and got frustrated after essentially having to carry my team. My (at the time) 4 year old daughter says to her younger sister "Daddy's mad cause they keep kicking his a*s and he doesn't know how to play". I was BEFUDDLED ?


My nephew at ten years old said,

"If you're younger than mommy, why do you look so much more tired?"

Thanks kid.

[Edit] what in sweet home Alabama happend here?

Image credits: DirtyMartiniMan


Working as an Elementary school OT - “Miss Funke/Munke, was everything black and white when you were a kid?”

Image credits: Funke-munke


Upon learning that I was from Washington, D.C. a little girl asked me seriously if George Washington was President when I was little. I thought it was really funny and imaginative.
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