75 Women Who Decided Not To Have Children Reveal The Best And Worst Parts Of That Decision

75 Women Who Decided Not To Have Children Reveal The Best And Worst Parts Of That Decision

Every adult is free to choose what kind of family they build and whether or not they want to have children. The decision is very personal and nobody should feel like they’re pressured to choose one way or the other. However, every decision—no matter how major or minor—has consequences, both positive and negative.

Redditor u/winter-thv went on the r/AskWomen subreddit and asked its ‘childfree’ members to share the “toughest and best” parts of choosing not to have kids. What followed was a very candid thread about the upsides and downsides of such a lifestyle.

Scroll down to read what these redditors had to say, dear Pandas. Are you 'childfree'? Do you have kids? How do you feel about your choices? Don’t forget to share your honest thoughts in the comments. 

#1

As a woman who still has doubts about being childfree, the toughest part is wondering if I’ll regret my decision.
The best part, is the freedom of conscience, knowing that I’m not bringing a child into the world without knowing if I really want to.

Image credits: Ser_Curioso

#2

I love the freedom I have, my money is entirely my own, I can be selfish with it and I don’t need to worry about ensuring a small person is fed and warm.

For me the toughest part is that all my friends have kids, I’m single and so I have no one to do spontaneous things with because my friends all have to consider childcare etc but I’m happy doing things alone so that’s not the worst I guess. Also one of my friends became a mum and that became her whole personality, to the point that she stopped bothering to talk to me because I couldn’t possibly relate, she was my closest friend, that sucked.

Image credits: ReadsHappy

#3

Toughest is finding like-minded people who don’t make children the centre of the universe.
The best part is everything freaking else. My life is a stress-free, flexible, travel-filled, well-financed, well rested, and greatly enjoyed breeze. I love it.

Image credits: Vast_Ad3963

Many women in the r/AskWomen thread said that they didn’t regret their decisions and fully embraced the freedom and financial opportunities offered to them by their childfree lifestyle.

However, others noted that they’ve had relationships fall apart because of their choices and were looked down on. Others noted that they’re unsure if they might not regret their decision later on in life. Everyone’s specific circumstances seem to be unique, but there are some common threads. A lot of people can’t seem to stomach a woman not wanting to raise kids. And this isn’t the first time that we’re hearing about this.

#4

Toughest part:
Being looked at as less of a woman, as less of a person, because I don't have children. I don't think it's fair.

Best part:
There's one less person that I'm at risk of disappointing. I always told myself (when I was younger) that if I had a kid, I'd have to be the best mom on the planet and with my current state of mind, I know that wouldn't be the case.

I'm at peace knowing I'm not ruining another person's life or giving them less than they deserve. There are enough "bad mothers" in the world, I won't be one of them.

Image credits: callmegoldee

#5

Toughest was being taken seriously by medical professionals to get a surgery.

Best? I have all the money and time in the world and zero extra responsibility.

Image credits: code-sloth

#6

The best part is total freedom. The hardest part? I don't know. It's not hard to not have something you don't want.

Image credits: GrandRub

A while back, Bored Panda had gotten in touch with u/Raveynfyre, one of the moderators running the popular r/childfree subreddit that welcomes people who choose not to have children.

There are two similar terms that people in the community like to distinguish between. ‘Childfree’ individuals don’t have kids because they don’t want them. Meanwhile, ‘childless’ folks either can’t have kids or simply haven’t gotten around to having them yet. Generally speaking though, large chunks of the internet shame both categories of people because they feel that they must have kids, at all costs.

#7

Worst part is feeling excluded and cast aside by mom-friends once they become moms. Best part is living my best life.

Image credits: Meowserss22

#8

The hardest part is that my mom is great, and she truly deserves the joy of being a grandmother. But I can’t make that choice for her. If I could make her a grandma without becoming a mother, I would. I’m lucky, she’s nice about it, not one to always drop passive aggressive comments, but I know she feels the void.

The best part is not having that same, deep worry for the future. I still want the best for society and our planet, I want my goddaughters and the children of those I love to inherit a functional world — but, it’s not the same I don’t think. I’ve formed a detachment to the future that I didn’t have when I was younger snd don’t think I could have if I had children of my own

Oh, and money. Being a DINK is nice

Image credits: NoFilterNoLimits

#9

I haven‘t faced any negative parts except people‘s assumptions I‘d still "change my mind" or misogynistic remarks because I‘m so young.

The best part is simply not having to take care of a child, struggle with the child‘s father and go through pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum etc.

Image credits: realstareyes

If you do have kids, it’s best that you want to do want to be a parent, rather than just giving in to social pressure or ticking some box. And while parenting can be even more rewarding and that it is challenging, it also doesn’t mean that it’s the only way to live. Raising munchkins isn’t for everyone: it’s completely valid not to want to be a parent. However, childfree people tend to get a lot of hate because they live their lives differently than the ‘norm.’ 

However, it’s not just childfree individuals who have to deal with tough situations. As we’ve covered on Bored Panda before, pregnant employees tend to face discrimination, too, for example, in the workplace.

Managers and colleagues tend to view pregnant employees as less competent and productive. As a result, quite a few employees end up hiding the fact that they’re pregnant as long as they can. Of course, this sort of discrimination is illegal in many countries. If you feel like this is happening despite your best attempts to work things out with management and HR, you may want to seek legal help or involve your union.

#10

Best part: more financial freedom, and I get to finally put myself first.

Worst part: people telling me it's my duty as a human with a uterus to have a child. And other intrusive questions.

Image credits: rifrif

#11

Hardest: people telling me my life is incomplete about children. It is super invalidating of all everything I have accomplished.
Best: I have spare money. I do what I want. I don’t have to instill morals and ethics into a tiny human. I can eat cake for dinner and not feel like I am setting a bad example. I spend entire weekends playing video games.

#12

Toughest is definitely dating because EVERYONE thinks they want kids. Me and a guy could get along beautifully but they find out I'm sterile and decide it's a deal-breaker. The reason it bothers me is because I know most men don't actually want kids, they just like the idea of them. I know way too many men who wish they were childfree after having kids because it's, like, actually hard.

The "best part" is endless. For real. I have an insane amount of free time and personal space compared to someone with kids. I can cook whatever I want for dinner. I don't have to deal with the ever-present looming fear of something happening to my child. My house is QUIET all the time unless I want to listen to something, and the "something" can be anything. I can date, go to parties, sleep as much as I want, go to the gym, etc. without having to worry about who I'm influencing.

I have never for one seconds regretted my choice to have my tubes removed. I've only ever been annoyed at all of the people around me who haven't thought that hard about having kids but default to "wanting" them. Idk. I hate being single lol.

#13

The best part is not being tied to a man after you break up lmao

The toughest is you almost always get forced to work when everyone else gets time off cause "BbBuTttt i HaVe KiDs"

Image credits: Smart-Deer-72

#14

**Toughest:**

Being treated like I'm lesser or not an adult because I don't have children.

Getting doctors to prioritize my health over my fertility or some hypothetical baby I am never having. It took me years to finally get the care I needed (a hysterectomy).

I know my mom would have loved to be a grandma, so I feel bad for denying her that opportunity (and my sister also has no children).

**Best:**

Freedom. Do what I want, when I want.

No fear of something bad happening to my child in school.

Never having to deal with pregnancy and birth.

Also never worrying that I might be pregnant since I am now sterile.

Image credits: rgrind87

#15

Toughest? Just dealing with people who think they know me better than myself. From parents and acquaintances to doctors, it's always "oh you'll change your mind/it's different when it's yours/what if your partner wants them" etc. I'm 30. If I wanted them by now, I would have. If I get pregnant, I'll terminate.

The best part? All my time and money (besides work and neccesities) are mine to do with what I please. No screaming children, no diapers, no worrying about babysitters, etc. You could not pay me enough to have kids. We are more than just potential mothers. We are people with our own wants, desires, and dreams.

Image credits: VioletViola

#16

The toughest has been seeing my close friends and their special bond with their children. I think I'm especially sensitive of this because I didn't have a mom growing up, and not so much because I'd like to be a mom. Another thing that is probably linked to my childhood is seeing these women have families when I have none.

The best part is that I get to work on and discover myself, which is honestly the most amazingjourney I can imagine anyone undertaking; more people should do this and find out how fascinating and wonderful we all are. The other good thing is that it ends with me, and my childhood trauma won't affect anyone else.

Image credits: Maragent-bee

#17

Toughest part - the idea that I may end up in a care home one day or living alone as a feeble old lady and have no family to come and visit me ever.

The best - I enjoy not having the responsibility, I have young niblings and my friend has recently had a baby, they’re hard f*****g work and they cost a fortune. I like that I can go where I went, when I want. I like that I can buy myself silly luxuries that I wouldn’t be able to afford if I was off work looking after a child or paying for childcare. I like my peace and quiet too much.

Image credits: machinehead332

#18

Childfree and single here, 49F. The best part is the freedom. The worst part is the near total social ostracism by everyone who has a husband and children. That’s how you make friends in adulthood- through your spouse and kids. I have made almost no new friends since I was about 32 or so. And of course you lose some of the friends you do have when they have kids because you no longer fit together, sometimes their choice sometimes yours. Interestingly, I’ve started making friends again with divorced women whose kids are older. They tell me that when they get divorced, everyone disappears, even friends that were theirs alone before the marriage. Married people with kids do NOT want you around, and married people without kids want you to be their unicorn. F*****g hell man.

Image credits: MaritimeDisaster

#19

Toughest:

Finding out my partner of over 15+ years actually DID want kids the whole time and just assumed I would change my mind eventually. Also, learning they actually never wanted to get married without kids in the equation, because "what's the point?". We built an entire CF life together, and now I'm working on my exit because there's no other way this can go.

Best:

Having the ability to devote my time and efforts into things that make me happy for myself, and having full control over how I choose to spend my life.

Image credits: GypsyShiner

#20

Best part, the freedom! If I want to go out for the night, I can, anytime I want. I just don't want.

Hardest, the fear of being alone when I'm old, but having kids doesn't guarantee anyone they won't be alone.

Image credits: WarmandSunny-ish

#21

Hardest - making sure my bf is truly ok with not having kids. ‘Will you resent me in a few years?’

Best - Everything else. My body, space, quiet, sanity, avoiding other people’s kids I’d be forced to socialize with as well as worries about the world, their safety and how much they cost.

I have mental health issues that I manage to control and thrive with, but I can’t upset the balance.

Never understood why any sane adult would want them.

#22

The toughest part is people believing it’s a choice and assuming it’s from lack of capacity.
The best part is getting to be part of children’s lives because I learn and try to better understand the strains of motherhood through listening rather than polarising myself and defining myself as a ‘non-mother’.

#23

Toughest part is the condescending attitude from older cis women in my life surrounding it. Best part of it is I live my life to the fullest. I do what I want when I want besides making sure my pets are taken care of if I go on vacation.

#24

Hardest part? I had to let go of a guy I was seeing because he wanted a child. We knew each other for many years and we decided to have a good time for a few months. Then he told me he wanted to start a family in the next 2 years and I said not with me. We are still friends but he just moved a woman and her child in with him and he's hoping by next year she will be pregnant. I'm happy for them, but still single.



Best part? This year I went to 3 festivals and for xmas I just bought myself a designer watch, a kayak, a German beer wench outfit. Also, when pokemon came out I was able to play nonstop for 3 days. I've never known such peace and happiness.

Image credits: HauntedGhostAtoms

#25

The best part is not having to be responsible for another human being. If I want to buy something or go somewhere or sleep in on Saturday, I can. I'm responsible for only myself.

The part I struggle with is this... Who will be in my life as I age? I have an older brother who doesn't have kids (yet). My family consists of him, my parents, and my aunt and uncle who are all in their mid-70s. When I realize that in the next 10 years, my family could shift drastically, it makes me sad that I'm not going to have another generation.

That being said, I still don't want the burden and think having kids at this point is incredibly selfish. We have 8 billion people in the world...

#26

Toughest: annoying people who think that’s there’s *no way* a woman would ever *choose* to be child-free, I “just haven’t met the right man yet” or “it’ll happen” or “I used to think that way too, until I had kids of my own.” Ok, that’s great, please leave me alone, because I don’t have the energy to justify my VERY valid reasons for foregoing kids, the most prominent being I have absolutely *zero* urge or desire to procreate. I am completely lacking the “biological clock.”

Also, when I tried internet dating, it was pretty damn tough trying to find a dude who didn’t want or already have kids.

Best: F*****G FREEDOM. Everything that comes with NOT having my life revolve around spawn. Do I want to change jobs? Travel? Get another tarantula? Move? Have disposable income? Sleep in and then waste the day playing video games? Not have my things covered in boogers, feces, or whatever else kids get into? Use the restroom in peace? I can do it! And there are no regrets or questioning, just a quiet validation.

Oddly enough, I like *working* with kids and am getting my MA to be a therapist (I want to help kids/adolescents with trauma). I also love being able to send them back home, lol.

Image credits: Wikeni

#27

The best part is the freedom compared to friends who have children...

The worst part is it's something I would love to have but I cannot justify bringing another human being into the world as it is now.

Image credits: feetnosocks

#28

Worst: the stupid questions/misogyny

Best: not losing my identity by becoming "Mom"

Image credits: PrincessTrashbag

#29

Best part? Naps. Hands down. Anytime I want. Sleeping in is pretty great too. The extra income is damn nice, as well. When my friends talk about daycare cost or just the unexpected expenses here and there, I want to vomit. And I like my friends kids. They can come hang out with me whenever. We’ll get dirty and blow things up outside, make noise and blanket forts inside, and take a pedicab to go grab some cake in the afternoon. Then they go home in their mud smeared chocolate covered clothes. I like that.

Hardest part: trying to convince people that yes, my life still has value. Yes, I still find s**t meaningful. Ya know, even though I don’t have a *legacy*. Or something like that. ETA: and no, I’m not worried about who’s going to take care of me when I’m old. That’s a garbage reason to have children imo

Also, it’s been hard to watch friends who are parents loose their entire identity after welcoming a child into the mix. I.e: identity becomes “a Mom” and that’s it. I’m at the age now where some of my friends have kids that are older and don’t need as much from them. Trying to reconnect with them, hearing about them trying to reconnect with their spouse/partner, or just seeing them struggle to find outside interests in things beyond their children… is hard. I get it, I understand how it happens. But it sucks and is pretty sad to see. **Make time for yourself, Parents of Reddit.**

Image credits: Hot_Mention_9337

#30

The toughest is knowing what a dope grandmother my mom would be. I don't feel guilty nor has she ever made me feel that way, but sometimes I get a little feeling of sadness that I wont get to see her be a Rockstar grandma.

The best is not feeling like I'm on some sort of time table. I've been able to learn, grow and make mistakes without feeling like the clock is ticking and I need to have it all figured out.

Image credits: sofuckingspiritual

#31

Best part: I look way younger than my peers who have kids, raising a family and working full time is stressful and it shows. My husband and I also have complete freedom to go on trips, go out, catch a game or show, or just loaf around and play video games without having to consider the well being of a baby/kid that needs 24/7 meal planning.

Worst: the constant assumptions. That my mom saved boxes of baby things for my future children that I’ve been lugging around (she had 3 miscarriages after me I think it was her last hope to save the things for a grandkid). That even if I was on the fence and kind of wanted kids I focused on career and only just got married at 38 and my husband is 43 so we’d be pushing retirement age when they graduate high school and that’s a very scary thing (energy health etc)

Image credits: Trickycoolj

#32

Toughest part: dealing with all the backlash I got from my family when I had my bisalp done about 5 years ago. By their reactions, you'd think I legit killed someone.

Best part: mental and financial freedom to do exactly what I want, when I want.

Image credits: mitsu_gal_jenni

#33

When I was younger I dealt with a lot of people assuring me I'd change my mind and several people assuming I'd change my mind without even talking about it. It bombed a few relationships. I think the judgement from relative strangers was the worst part because it often makes me want to ditch any future social interactions with them.

On the happy side, I can easily afford my life and I have a pile of nephews who are all great.

Image credits: Engineeredvoid

#34

Best part: I don't have a child. Which means I have energy, sleep, money, freedom, don't have to worry about the world we're leaving them, etc

Worst: people. Mom had some difficulty accepting it when I told her, which was annoying. I haven't even bothered telling dad as he probably won't care that much either way but also won't care to respect my feelings or choices. Its also annoying when my coworkers go "when you have children..." bla-bla as if it's a certainty. I get that it's a way people can tell others their experiences that ithrs aren't really interested in pretending it's advice they can find pretend will be helpful and not really about me, but still

So, only minor annoying s**t

Image credits: eiroai

#35

Toughest: I do get clucky every now and again. My worry is the possible "What ifs." What if I hit a certain too old a age and it turns out I wanted a kid?

Best: Finances and freedom. Kids are expensive even with 2 incomes coming in. Seeing the major financial struggles my sisters (all have kids) deal with is crazy.

Image credits: ijustwantamuffin

#36

The worst part is parents invalidating anything you say about how they're raising their kid because " you'll see when you have kids" or "you don't even have kids" like mf I WAS a kid it doesn't take a parent to know that beating the kid isn't gonna make them listen. It doesn't take a parent to recognize abuse

Image credits: squid---juice

#37

Hardest part?

I worry. I'm told again and again and again and again that my choice for my life is selfish, and that I'll change my mind, or that my choice might be taken away. People have asked me when I am having kids, and it's always so awkward.

It makes me worry if I'm wrong for not wanting kids, when I know it's the best decision for me to not have them. I know it is.

The best part?

It's less people I have to worry about. It's less expensive. I already have a love hate relationship with my body, I don't want to see what pregnancy and birth would do to it.

I can spend my time and money doing what I want to do, I'm not tied down to places.

And I know if I ever wanted to change my mind, I could always foster or adopt if I ever make that decision.

#38

Best part: Freedom, peace and quiet, silence, no responsibilities over anyone but myself, spending my money and time on things that actually brings me joy and happiness.

There is no worst part.

#39

Toughest: people may think I am too young to decide about children yet (f mid twenties). So I probably won't get my tubes tied for a while.

Best part: I can do whatever I want with my time. I am f*****g portable. Flight to another city? Done. A text in the morning before work? See you after work. I can also stay late at work if the need arises. I also love to cross stitch for hours on end, in peace and quiet.

I also save money regularly. Children are great but I hear they are expensive.

#40

The only downside has been my assumption that my mother would have a better relationship with me if I was also a mother (based on how she interacts with my brother, who is a parent). but that's her loss anyway. best part- I get to sleep and nap uninterrupted pretty much whenever I want. And I don't worry if I'm screwing someone else up.

#41

Best part is the freedom in everything, tough part is growing apart from your friends that do have kids. Don’t mind hanging out with my friends and their kids, but kids bday parties or having lots of screaming kids isn’t really my thing.

#42

toughest: Deciding what new tech I should buy first with my disposable income

best: not contributing to excess overcrowding, unnecessary carbon waste, and less illness (no germy kids spreading influenza like clockwork)

#43

Best part : knowing I don't have to go through my biggest fear, childbirth. Also, the savings I can have, freedom to make decisions that won't impact someone dependant on me.

Toughest: finding the courage to tell my mother she will never be a grandma. She wouldn't understand CF. Also, having to deal with dumbass interviewers who assume I will have a "family" in the future. I have a family already. My partner is my family. Don't assume that everyone with a uterus wants to host a baby in it. My personal choices don't affect work. It's inappropriate to bring this up during an interview. F. Off.

#44

Toughest? People's judgment over me "wasting my best years because I'm so selfish not to pass on the genes". And having to cut some family ties because of the questions bombarding me. Best part? I have a cat who loves me and I'm the happiest I've ever been. Almost 28, by the way.

#45

Like most other people have said, the freedom is the best part. The hardest part for me personally is sometimes I wonder what it would be like to want children. It can sometimes make me feel a bit sad that I’m just not that person, I wonder what mine and my husbands kids would have looked like, and I sometimes wish I could have been that parental person. I’m also an only child and my BIL and his wife aren’t having kids so I’m never going to be an aunt, which is kinda sad.
I feel like pregnant people are looked at as having so much strength and character and single childfree people with pity and confusion.

So yeah, I sometimes wonder what will happen to me when I’m old and I’m on my own. Who will visit me, who will care for me when everyone I know or loved has passed on. But there’s nothing I can do as I’ve never been a person who wants children, I can’t change that.

#46

Hardest part is socially. I thought it would be fine but when people started having kids it became very hard to be close with them anymore, and in ways I never expected. Society thinks you are a jerk and treats you like it. People take you less seriously, respect you less. Generally the childfree are a very disliked group, even just subconsciously.

The pros are I don't have kids. It's 100% worth it. Besides other people treating me better I can't think of one reason I'd want kids. Doing it for status is a horrible reason too.

#47

Best part?

Today, I'm 36.

My boyfriend surprised me with a trip about 6 hrs away. Complete with hot springs, couples massage, and a nice French restaurant.

He's currently making French press coffee, bacon, and pancakes. Later we'll go to the zoo for dinner and holiday decor.

Far too many people told me I'd regret not having kids by now. But here I am. No ragrets.

#48

Tough - for me is that connection aspect to people who have a high value on traditional lifestyles. It’s common to bond over children but generally navigate that pretty easy.
Annoying - for me is people thinking there is something wrong with me because I didn’t follow a traditional path. But I decided that it’s rooted in insecurity on their part and to sigh and move on.
Best - for me is freedom to focus on being the best version of myself. Travel, part-time studies, physical wellness, and hobbies are all things I get to spend more time doing compared to peers with children. As a result I feel high performing at work, satisfaction in the pursuit of self improvement and doing things that bring me joy. And I could keep going but you asked for the best. ☺️

#49

The toughest part for me is the lack of help I get from services Im currently homeless and I feel as if I’m being punished for not having children. I understand why there more likely to help women with children but I still feel like there should be help for women who don’t have kids instead of being turned away

#50

Worst part - wondering if you've made a terrible mistake about not having kids.
Best part - not having made a terrible mistake and had kids

#51

Greatest part is everything lol. I’m living my best life. I have money, I travel, I can relax, I sleep in, I am able to engage in self care, I make art, I go to concerts and restaurants whenever I want, basically I do what I want when I want and I love the freedom being childfree gives me. also the peace and quiet and my home is beautiful and clean and relaxing at all times. I feel so free.

Oh and smashing the patriarchy. I freaking love smashing the patriarchy.

The hardest part is probably the judgment and parents thinking my partner and I are weird for not having kids. But I try not to let it bother me and it usually doesn’t! :)

#52

My family and friends. I’m Hispanic and not having children is basically a sin. My aunts specifically came at saying “whose gonna take care of you when you get old?”… like that’s not why you have children. My friends are either on their 2nd or 3rd and always invite me to kid events. Nope, don’t wanna do that. I’ll send the gifts and FaceTime happy bday.

Doctors who won’t help me stay child free. “You might change your mind” ?…. It’s been 20 years since I made this decision, but sure Doc, you must be right. I hate BC and just want my tubes tied, burnt or sacrificed to the Gods.

#53

Making the decision was the easy part - it’s something I’ve always known (perhaps subconsciously though). Toughest part was deciding what dating is going to look like now that I’m officially not interested. I swear every guy side-eyed me saying child free in my early/mid 30s. Having my tubes out wasn’t pleasant either but permanently affirms my choice.

Best part is living exactly the way I want to, uncomplicated.

#54

It’s difficult to tell my mom, who I love with all my heart, that I will not be giving her grandchildren. I just can’t. I cannot handle the physical, mental, or financial toll children would take out on me. The idea of children is great, like, I don’t hate kids, I don’t hate babies, I don’t even hate the idea of putting someone above me or above my spouse and knowing their needs will almost always come first. I can not be as good of a parent as I would want to be. I know how I am, I know how my father was when I was a kid, and even now it’s hard to not replicate things he’s done and said to me. I would never want to put a child in the situations I was in.

It’s also difficult to tell my grandparents this. I’m constantly told that I will change my mind, it’ll happen eventually, and so on. I know this is just them hoping those things they say are true, and I’m assuming that’s how they’ll cope with the fact that I will not be the ones to make them great grandparents. And it sucks, when my mom was my age, she was married and was trying to conceive. My grandmother was already married and had a kid at my age. In a another life, I’d like to think that I would have been able to have children that I could care for and be present for in every aspect, but it’s just not this life.

#55

Toughest? Being berated and belittled for most of my 20s, 30s, and early 40s that I couldn’t possibly know what true love is because I’d never be a mother.

Best? I’ll never regret having a kid.

#56

Not having kids gives me so much solace. I know my body and mind couldn't handle a pregnancy, I don't trust my mental health enough to care for a newborn/baby/toddler adequately. So the best part is the genuine RELIEF and sense of safety for my life n those around me. A tough part is my sister not getting to be an aunt. She has a son, might have another baby, so I'm not mournful for my parents. But it just being her n me as the siblings, she won't be an auntie. That makes me feel a bit remorseful for her for sure. Because being Auntie to my nephew is something I cherish to my core. Ultimately tho, NOT having kids is probably still better for her, for my nephew, my parents. And my "unborn" children, who would suffer with a well-meaning but sick mom

#57

I don't have to take care of someone else but me.

Toughest? Maybe my grandparents or parents asking when I will have a kid.

#58

I’m non binary but answering anyway:

The best: putting my time and energy into caring for myself and my partner, learning to be a better person, having fewer priorities is more achievable for me due to disabilities. Getting to engage with the kids in my family in a patient and energetic way because I’m not burnt out all the time.

The worst: probably the recovery from the sterilisation surgery? Idk. I can’t imagine my life with a kid in it and I wouldn’t want to, they’re great they’re just not for me.

#59

growing up I always felt weird, so many of my friends always talked about how excited they were too be moms. too hold their baby for the first time, too be able too look after and love said child. i never wanted that, I never wanted to birth a child, or pay for a child or take on more responsibility then I had too. some of us know we wanna be parents and some of know we 1000% don’t wanna be parents. and that’s ok too, there shouldn’t be any shame felt. s**t the earth is overpopulated and I’m chillin w myself & my cats lol. I think the hardest / toughest part for me is excepting that :”)

#60

Nothing hard about it. Society is always gonna try and make us feel like we chose the wrong thing and that women are meant to have babies. The fact is. It’s a really brilliant and fulfilling life

#61

As a single woman in her 30s, finding men to date who are also childfree.

Men who are in my dating demographic mostly want children, and because of the pressure of aging they’re understandably looking for partners who also want children. Many men are also ambivalent about having kids, but they lean towards women who want children just in case they change their minds - it leaves the door open to have them.

I actually really like and enjoy kids. I know I would love my own kids if I had them and would find a lot of fulfillment and joy in being a parent. I just simply enjoy the lifestyle I have without kids. Because of this I’m also looking for childfree men who don’t HATE kids. I find people who actively dislike children (and pets lol) very off-putting.

So I’m not only limiting myself to childfree men, I’m then further reducing my pool to childfree men who like children but just don’t want them ?

I’m also open to men who have children (again because I like them), but don’t want any more children. However, all then men I’ve dated who fit this type have had other baggage/obvious reasons as to why it didn’t work out with the mother of their children and have not yet done the work to be a good partner (and often parent). While I’d love to be a step-parent or fulfil that role of “other adult figure” in a kids life I’m not looking to take over the parenting burden from a man who isn’t pulling his own weight.

I’ve been lucky enough to not have family pressure to have kids. My family has always known I was the least likely to have children and have always been very supportive of me following my passions and dreams. I think they knew before I did that I wouldn’t have kids. Not because I’d be a bad parent but I’m just far too independent to ever settle down that way.

I also don’t find too much pressure societally. Maybe it’s because I live in a very liberal place but I’ve never felt backlash from being a childfree single woman in her 30s. I predominantly work with men (in tech) and most of them I’ve talked to in depth completely understand why I’d choose not to.

Otherwise I don’t find it hard to keep up friendships with my married parent friends, even if a lot of our conversations revolve around their kids - because again I like kids. I also get to enjoy being the cool aunt to all the children in my life ?

#62

The toughest part is trying to find common ground with friends that have children because it completely takes over their lives. I'd die of old age before I could list all of the positives.

#63

I was told not having a kid puts me at a slightly increased risk of developing breast and reproductive cancers. My breast risk is likely reduced due to birth control usage in the past. I get all my tests and checkups, so the overall risk for all should be reduced as well.

Best part? Freedom. I never wanted to be in charge of someone else. I did that with an adult man for over 15 years, 3/10 would not recommend.

#64

Toughest... feeling guilty for loving my life so much. Best part: loving my life so much.

#65

Best parts: Being alone, all the kinds of freedom, no diapers, no screaming babies, not having to care for or clean up after another human, sleeping in, not being tied to whatever human I had the kid with forever, not having further problems with my body or health because of being a human incubator.

Worst parts: Being alone, not getting to pass on any of my family history or recipes, not having grandkids when im old, wondering if I am missing out.

So, the good far outweighs the bad, but I wonder sometimes. Maybe I'll adopt in the future, probably not though.

#66

The best part has been not having to worry about their safety, the world is currently pretty intense. The worst part is not getting to raise a child with my partner, he would have been an excellent dad.

#67

I know it's not typical but I honestly haven't met with anyone reacting negatively with my decision yet. Everyone has been either supportive or neutral at worst. So I can't say if there's any "tough" part. I live in a very HCL area and having the flexibility of living somewhere without thinking about school districts or child friendliness is a huge relief financially.

#68

Best part? Being childfree... Having money, time, and all that. Being able to leave the house without a small suitcase and incomprehensible human.

Worst part? Not understanding why others keep having kids in today's society/economy/climate. Not being able to relate to all those who have kids. Losing friends who have kids (still friends... Just can't ever make plans or travel).

#69

The best part is having no obligations and responsibilities. I personally see complete positives in choosing not to have children.

#70

Toughest part is hiding my sterilization from my family. But otherwise it's just been bliss and I reaffirm my decision every day. When life gets hard I think "at least I don't have a kid" and instantly feel a bit better lol

#71

No toughness. It's been wonderful. The hardest parts to deal with are the feelings and inquiries from everyone else who thinks I should have {had} kids. I'm almost 42 now, and most don't ask anymore about when I'll have kids, but IF I have kids. I usually respond with a cheerful or mildly disgusted "ooph, No!"

I sleep in. We travel. We work constantly. We do whatever we want. No singalong songs or minivans or soccer practices or s****y homework. The lists go on and on. We are so happy with our decision to stay child free.

#72

Best part: freedom to Not be a parental unit.

Toughest: everyone, especially medical professionals, assuming all I am good for is gestation.

#73

Honestly the only tough part for me is having people tell me I'll change my mind. My mom is always telling my siblings behind my back that I'll be pregnant by the end of the year, and I'm not even allowed to talk about it around my In-Laws because they get so upset. My husband got a vasectomy last week and we're telling none of our family because we don't want it to get back to either of our parents. But honestly it doesn't come up super often. So otherwise everything is literally pure bliss as I watch people struggle and read stories of how hard it is and that they regret it, and I'm over here traveling all over the world, working 29 hours a week because I dont have to support anyone, not peeing when I laugh, and sleeping in however long I want. It's amazing.

#74

The toughest part is when strangers ask if you have kids, then when you say no, the conversation just.. dies. And then they give you that awkward pitying look. Oh, and disappointing my parents, but they’re probably used to that by now.

The best part is I can sleep as late as I want on my days off and make spontaneous plans and have a lovely quiet house and travel and have way more money and free time and freedom, and I didn’t have to be pregnant or go through childbirth.

#75

The best part is definitely freedom. I don’t have anyone who depends on me which is liberating and being able to do what I want whenever I want is so important to my mental health. I can spend time with the children of my loved ones if I want and by the end of the visit, I’m happy that it’s brief and noncommittal on my part.
I would say the toughest parts are all silly, superficial, or selfish. Like never getting the shine of being the pregnant lady who is doted on or when people seem disappointed by my refusal to have a baby for their happiness (rare in my circle, thankfully). Luckily, i found getting over those silly hurdles to be pretty simple when I realized those were stupid reasons to bring a life into this world.
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