“Most Other Moms Would Judge Me If I Said That”: 61 Moms Open Up About Their ‘Deep Dark’ Secrets

“Most Other Moms Would Judge Me If I Said That”: 61 Moms Open Up About Their ‘Deep Dark’ Secrets

Being a mom is no easy task. They have to fight unpredictable tantrums of their kids, keep the whole house afloat and stay sane while doing all this. You could say, then, being a mother is not that different from being a superhero. But even beloved superheroes sometimes get sloppy and take shortcuts, hoping that their latex-laden contemporaries won't take notice.

Keeping this to themselves, however, can be one of the most nerve-racking things. Superheroes do it because they don't want to put their loved ones in harm's way. Mothers, meanwhile, do it because they feel like they might be judged by other child-bearers. "Can everyone share their mom secrets, so that I don’t feel so bad about myself?" pleads u/brookeaat in her Breaking Mom subreddit's post. From bribing kids with extra screen time to co-sleeping with them, there's nothing better than spilling some tea without feeling like you've committed a crime.


Sometimes I just seriously want everyone in my house to leave me the f**k alone.

Image credits: transponster99


Oh man...

I don't care what my child eats. I mean, I CARE. I TRY. But it's so draining for me to fight him about food. He turned 3 in April and you know what? He gets almost all of the important vitamins/nutrients from smoothies. I hide zucchini and carrots in banana bread. Spinach is tasteless in smoothies.

Eats pasta. Refuses veggies most of the time. Will eat chicken if fried or in nugget form but no other meat and no other way. If my child is gonna sit there and eat a whole loaf of bread, I really do not care anymore.

I DO care about his sugar consumption. That's all lol

Image credits: Inner-Membership-175


I mostly watch “adult” shows with my 4 year old every day. I pre-screen episodes (and sometimes skip scenes) so he sees nothing too outrageous, but at this point his favorite shows are Futurama, Bob’s Burgers, Simpsons, and King of the Hill.

Image credits: AppleRatty


The only battles worth fighting small children over are safety related ones. You want to roll in the mud and eat nothing but doritos for 3 weeks? Go for it. You're going to wear disney princess heels, a swimsuit, a tutu, and a ski hat to the grocery store? Rock on little one. I've been raising kids for 18 years, all different ages and personalities. It just isn't worth the energy to battle them if it's not actually affecting their safety or the safety of others around them.

Image credits: anon


my 2.5yo had two slices of cheese and an ice cream sandwich for dinner

Image credits: GroundbreakingTale24


Screen time is ongoing at my place. I’m 37weeks pregnant and I don’t think I could do toddlering without blues clues. When this baby comes I def will continue the screen time.

Image credits: MaleficentMouse666


I regret having my oldest child. He has ruined my life and I’m stuck in a hellscape I never wanted for myself. My literal only hope some days is that he leaves at 18.

Image credits: redtonks


My toddlers have unlimited TV time. As in.. it’s always on. I needed that background noise and distraction when I was home alone with twins, and now it’s just become a part of our lives.

Image credits: dumdum_gutterslut


I rarely wash my kiddos hair. I brush it and she takes baths daily, but I can’t justify her screaming every night.

Image credits: WeeklyPie


Oreos or a brownie for breakfast about 3-4 days a week. It’s not worth the meltdown and food refusal. We make up for it with our other meals and she usually doesn’t ask for any other sweets the rest of the day. Besides, I’d rather her have sugar earlier in the day than at night, after dinner, before bed.

Image credits: GerardDiedOfFlu


My 3 year old gets way more than an hour of screen time some days - especially if her baby sister is having a high maintenance day.

Image credits: National-Loquat-2187


I still sleep in my 2.5 yo room most nights. I put a full bed in there because his twin hurt my back. And honestly, if I’m in there he will sleep all night. Since I’m
The nighttime parent, I’ve decided my sleep is worth being uninterrupted.

I also sometimes lay with him until he falls asleep then go down to visit with husband and watch tv until he inevitably falls asleep on the couch, and I’ll head right back upstairs to kids room before he wakes up calling for me.

Love my husband but this is the season I’m in and I’ve accepted it. It won’t last forever. But I get lots of judging about how my husband must be lonely and some other bs when people find out.

Image credits: cheesypitafire


I let the 10mo, the 4yo and the 7yo spend 40mins putting dirt into the snap side pool.

Its filthy. And they are covered in mud.

But I got to make dinner with no interruptions.

Yesterday they got all the chalk wet and made an absolutely horrific mess on the side of the house, porch concrete and every yard toy within reach. Combined with the pool/dirt thing going on today, it looks like a rainbow massacre. Baby has dirt and chalk in his hair.

I had to repot some plants last week so had a potting mix throw down with the leftovers, and then they gathered up the remnants and "potted" some random trash. We finna see if a piece of foil and cutting of a pizza box sprouts any day now.

When I was in the worst of my symptoms from covid 10 days ago, we received my husbands fishtank supplies in a massive box full of packing peanuts. I let them roll around in them and play bumper cars in diaper boxes through the mess.

I frequently let them make huge messes I have to clean up to get some spare minutes or just because its funny.

Image credits: AmbiguousFrijoles


I'm pregnant and still eat sushi and drink diet coke. Sorry not sorry.

Image credits: WickedWitchPNW


• My daughter started sipping off my coffee at 13 months. She’s 6 now. If she asks for an ice coffee when I make my own I make her one too.

• We co slept from birth until she was 5. Her first 3 months were in a recliner. If I set her down she screamed for hours on end. I felt like I was losing my sanity from the exhaustion. That chair saved my life.

• We play a ton of video games together. We both have a Switch and LOVE it. I taught her Animal Crossing and she’s teaching me Minecraft. Sometimes we play for a few hours without breaks. Oops (but we also got a giant backyard water slide so she does get plenty of outdoor exercise I promise)

• I’ve never made her wear pants at home unless we had guests. To this day her go to outfit is a shirt and underwear. She even sleeps that way.

• Sometimes we just have Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast.

Image credits: Mushroom_Moonbeam


I let my son sleep on his stomach before he could fully roll over himself at five months because he just would not sleep any other way.

Image credits: SnooAvocados6863


I'm tired of being nice to my kid all the time. She is like, the nicest lil 6 year old ever. Nice to toddlers. Popular with all ages. Sticks up for others. Would literally give me her last bite of ice cream if I asked.

But, oh, man, I want to scream I DONT F****N CARE!!! the next time she says "Mom, look at me..." do whatever inane thing she's already done 10000x. I want to scream SHUT UP FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE every time she runs out of her limitless words and begins just making stupid noises to entertain herself. I want to say OMG I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU the next time she hits me with a weaponized "you're weeelllcooom" when she does the barest minimum of anything and I'm supposed to fall over myself with gratitude. I want to ignore her every time she narrates her every friggin action to me, oh hey, she's telling me a riddle right now that makes no sense, oh god it's still going and I'm smiling and pretending to get it. *Ha ha, that's a good one.*

Seriously. The best kid ever. Teacher's favorite. Emotional intelligence far beyond her years. I'm a monster. I would never actually say any of this.

But my poor brain, just let it hear itself think. Just let me be still. Let me stop having to react all the time.

Image credits: throneofthornes


Screen time. Food. Too many toys. I’m a horrible mother. ?


I’ve napped on the floor on a makeshift pallet with my baby and it always makes me wish I could bedshare. I love falling asleep looking at her and just knowing she’s next to me. Unfortunately I’m medicated at night so it’s not in the cards, but no judgement here.


I honestly can’t stand to be around my 8-yo son any more; I don’t like who he is. His behavior is awful and he does things purposely to shock and irritate me. He got mad and threw a toy at me the other night when I sent him to his room for time-out; he threw it so hard that it hit the floor and it bounced up and cut my leg. I feel like an awful mother/human being for feeling this way and it breaks my heart…..I just don’t know what to do with him any more. He’s in counseling and takes medication, but it only does so much.


I was the snarkiest, know-it-all, 'my kids are going to eat what I cook for them', when I saw my niece and nephew being picky eaters. Now I have a child who will not eat veggies, will not eat anything in a sauce (stew, soup, casserole, curry), will pick the herbs off the top of anything in a restaurant. Her favourite food is chips (fries to Americans). Her second favourite food is chicken.

I feel so ashamed of having been that person.

On the plus side, she's well acclimatised to eating out. As long as they have a 'safe food' on the menu, our pre-children lifestyle of eating out is still intact. It keeps me sane.

Edit to add: she won't eat melted cheese. So pizza is off the menu ?


Both my kids slept in the bed with me when they were newborns. With my first I really, really fought it — but my wife deployed a month before my second was born so I was alone that entire first year. She slept with me from the day she came home from the hospital to 6ish months when I (also controversial in mom-groups) sleep trained.

I think my *secret* is that… I don’t regret it. I see so many parents on the Reddit get so up in arms about other parents bedsharing and I’m just over here like… huh, wild. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.


This is a now defunct secret (thank god) but my then 10 year old refused to comb or brush her (shoulder length) hair for the better part of an entire year, starting just before the pandemic hit. When school went full remote, it was like the point of no return for her hair. The back of her head was one huge mat. I tried everything to get her to let me comb her hair. I probably spent $500 on hair brushes, gentle combs, detangling sprays, even an electric comb. Hours and hours of tears and screaming (on both our parts). Therapy. Nothing would convince her. She is the stubbornest kid in the world. Eventually when the time came to go back to in person school the next school year, she allowed us to cut the mat out and trim her hair. It made the pandemic 1000 times worse, dealing with this nightmare.


I have a son and I’m having him take dance class next year for many reasons. One is that the other option is gymnastics and I’m worried he’ll be really good at it, and that’s the sport I’m scared of most when it comes to injuries. I know the horror stories so for my own anxiety, please don’t add your horror stories here without a trigger warning. Pretty please.

My mil clearly doesn’t want him doing dance because she’s worried he’ll get bullied. He’s 4. Of kids are bullying him, show me their parents because they’re the reason for it. Kids this age love to dance by nature- I teach preschool- they all dance right now. It isn’t until they’re told that dancing is for girls that they stop, and it’s heartbreaking that this happens.

I tell my mil he’s dancing because of all the benefits: counting, rhythm, beat, memorization, crossing the midline, listening to directions, working as a team and as an individual… the list goes on. And while she can try and convince me of gymnastics, gymnastics doesn’t always have those things especially at the younger ages.

And if he doesn’t enjoy it, it will be his only year.


Aside from the screen time and sodium indulgence (pretzels, seaweed snacks, popcorn, extra salt in soup), now that my 2 yr old goes to her dads for a week I put all of her toys into her room, basically wiping the entire rest or the house of her existence. The physical reminders and lack of her presence is too painful to me, too much of a reminder of the failed family unit. I feel very guilty about that. I smoke weed once she goes to sleep, sometimes even during her nap. She has seen her dad and I get into physical altercations while we were still together. Sometimes I have days where my bipolar depression is crippling and she will watch Peppa Pig all day. Oh and she has always watched shows and movies that were way out of her age range since she was an infant. She loves Cuphead.


My husband cleans the house while I breastfeed my kid to sleep. I almost always lay next to her for a bit longer and scroll on my phone and enjoy her presence until I can hear him finished, so that I don’t have to help.



I put my three year old on one of those little dragon roller coaster things at a carnival today and she haaaaated it and I feel so bad! Like she’s scarred forever ? Like I messed her up ?

I have a three week old and the 5 and 3 year old have gotten yelled too much, I’m so tired between healing and nursing and night feeds.

Meanwhile watch all the freaking tv you want. And here sweet girl, have some of my ice cream/soda when you sneak out of bed, shhhhh, don’t tell dad or your brother.


I have discovered that I am not into the baby/toddler stage at all. They’re cute but man is this stage boring as fuq. Everyone is posting their kids on social going “aww stop growing up so fast!” and I’m over here like.. god I can’t wait for
my kid to grow up because I want to DO stuff with him.. hiking, playing soccer, etc… I’m the compulsively adventurous type that goes crazy sitting in the house. We are slowly getting there but I feel guilty about how much I hate this stage, because I feel like I’m supposed to be treasuring it.


I don’t even have the excuse of pregnancy and we have 24/7 screens. I don’t care. I put it on something at least semi-educational whenever I can. If I can’t get something with numbers/science/animals/etc I at least try for stuff where the characters are sharing and helping each other (like Dino Ranch). But sometimes she just watches Cars 3 over and over while I get some chores done. Whatever.


My 18 month old eats a pouch for breakfast every morning and lives off of snacks

We don’t go to the park often (I work all the time and hubby has severe social anxiety) so she just plays on the balcony

I use small amount of weed vape to get through the worst of my pregnancy

The tv is always on

Sometimes I catch my kid on the iPad while the tv is on and I take the opportunity to sit in another room in quiet

I don’t wipe pee bums unless there’s a shart or it is necessary

I’m not crazy about managing sugar intake, I mean ya I water down juice but if she wants a popsicle she can have a damn popsicle

Sometimes if we don’t have a bath that day I forget to brush her teeth

If we aren’t leaving the house sometimes she rocks a diaper all day, makes potty training and my life a lot easier

We don’t baby proof we just set boundaries and regret it later


I truly hate playing with my kid. I do not want to play Barbies, dolls, or ponies. I can do crafts, coloring, puzzles, dancing. But I hate imaginative play.


I coslept on the couch for like..the first year? Baby would sleep on my chest/ breasts, Id be on my back, death gripping my own hands so I could do it. After like 6 months we'd both sleep on floor, or me on couch and baby on boppy. I never really slept though, I was always half asleep at best. I wasnt really..allowed in the bedroom. It wasnt expliciately told that but hed imply that it would "wake him up' and he had to work. (happily divorced now lol) but back then we lived in the living room, with the tv so ...the tv is her first step dad offically. Tbf the tv was my parent growing up too and I learned a f**k load. Thank you Barney.
She napped on the boppy. I loved that damn boppy so f****n much. I could bring it everywhere. Kitchen on floor? Check. Bathroom on floor so I could shower? Check. It was my best thing ever.


I gave my son distilled water in between feedings to help with hiccups and constipation. He absolutely could not poop without some pure water in his diet. My pediatrician hated me and I left her practice because I disagreed a lot with what she said was "right" for child. I am so happy I left and never looked back at pediatricians... My regular GP was perfectly qualified for our whole family's care


I pretend I don’t hear my toddler crying when she wakes up at night because I’m a ‘deep sleeper’. I just really don’t want to listen to Show Yourself and be awake for an hour, so I make my husband do it.


My son slept in our bed until he was like 13. (Years). Sometimes when he visits (he’s 23 now and turned out fine!!) he will still get in my bed with me and read or watch videos. He also camps out in our bed (on my side) when I’m not there, so I think he just likes our bed.

Image credits: Apprehensive_Set_151


I don’t limit screen time and don’t want to, I feel no guilt over it at all. I don’t care what my kids eat as long as they are fed. I don’t care if they eat sweets, and my daughter will binge on them, and the result is she gets a stomach ache because that’s what happens when you binge on sweets. If we’re not leaving the house we wear pajamas, my daughter will wear the same night gown multiple days depending on her current favorite. I brush her hair after she showers and for school, otherwise I don’t bother because she has sensory issues and doesn’t need to look pretty at home. Swimming counts as bathing in the summer as long as they get a good bath like once a week (or if we have somewhere to be). I give my daughter (8) coffee, because she’s adhd same as me and her meds have lately caused a huge increase in anxiety so we stopped. She has a go to Starbucks order (iced vanilla latte) and we go about once a week.

I’m a stickler about actual safety issues but not things that are morally neutral and just culturally “shameful.”

Image credits: needs_a_name


I only breast fed for three months and the whole time we were supplementing formula because I was going through what basically amounts to a psychotic break over the course of ten months.... Thanks PPD. I told the WIC office that I got sick and that cut off my supply. That was the only way they wouldn't judge me.

Also, some nights my husband works my son and I stay up past his bed time and watch TV/eat ice cream together. He's four, I know it's not ideal but I work full time and the guilt eats me alive either way... might as well enjoy some empty calories with my kiddo!

Image credits: oohrosie


Not sure if this counts. But I want another baby to get a redo of the newborn days. We tried for years to get pregnant with fertility treatments and recurrent loss and I had a traumatic postpartum experience which drastically impacted our bond. Had to rush back to the hospital and was separated from her. Medical issue causing me to go back to the hospital prevented me from breastfeeding and I had no intention of formula feeding prior to this. And when we got back from the hospital she had wicked colic for 3 months and had multiple things wrong with her that took us 3 months to figure out and now she’s a high needs baby. She’s about 9 months and I just now feel like I’m coming out of my ppd fog and just now feel like I actually love my baby. I feel like I got robbed of delighting in the newborn stage, of delighting in my baby at all and I want a do over. I feel guilty as hell for even thinking this because I’m not even a good mom to the baby I have.

F**k now I’m crying ?

Image credits: jdawg92721


My 3 year old ate 4 pieces of cheese pizza today. My 2 year old ate two pieces of pizza and two whole cupcakes. My other two year old had a lot of juice.

My secret, I guess, is I let my kids eat a lot of junk at one time. Also 4 pieces of pizza!? It was impressive.

Image credits: fgn15


I don’t usually bother to put anything more than a diaper on my one year old while we’re at home unless it’s cold or she’s going to bed. She eats in her pjs and they get covered in oatmeal, so I take them off and she just stays like that, not worth the fight and distress of the manhandling that she hates just so I can do even more laundry.

Also it’s interesting how even given the choice to watch as much TV and screens as she wants because I don’t limit it she watches only pretty much an hour a day.

Image credits: PeachGotcha


Oooh I have another one.

My baby slept on my chest the entire first 4 months of his life. There was no other way. If he was in his crib, I would stare at him endlessly. Make sure he was breathing. I only ever slept when someone else was home and watching him while he was awake. Once he started rolling around 4 months, I had no choice but to have him sleep in his crib. I watched him sleep every night. At 6 months, I started bedsharing and I was able to sleep more.

Image credits: Inner-Membership-175


I let my 2 year old sleep on my butt most nights. ? He has a beautiful, wooldland-themed bedroom complete with a large montessori bed, camper-shaped tent, and Hatch machine but he'd rather sleep to cat videos on the couch with my butt as a pillow.

Image credits: Choice-Examination


I let my kids eat as much bacon and eggs as they want. It’s a lot.

Image credits: anon


Oh where to start…

How about this; when my four year old won’t eat I will sing, to the tune of “Show yourself” from Frozen 2…

“Feed yourself, or I’m going to smack you!”


My daughter lives on broccoli and French fries.

I bathe her twice a week

Teeth brushed once a day

I swear a lot around her

We are all great moms... we just have our own unique styles.

Image credits: worldsmostmediummom


I use medical cannabis, I have a severe spinal injury that left me with neuropathy in my left leg, I don’t work either I’m a stay at home mom to my 5 and 2 year old. I get judged by my family a lot, even though I use a vape pen or edibles or cannabis oil, I don’t use it around the kids, and at this point with my pain it doesn’t give me a “ high” like everyone assumes, and of course I’ve had to explain again and again that I used to use narcotics and muscle relaxers but they would literally wipe out any energy I had so it wasn’t exactly a solution with kids thrown into everything. I’m very lonely because of it, the injury and my pain management method keep me from getting close to anyone really, and a lot of the cannabis friendly moms I have hung out with make it seem like that’s the only reason they want to hang out in the first place when I really really try to not make it a huge part of my personality or anything like that. I try really hard in the other areas of parenting to compensate for my lack of physical ability, like I can’t run around the back yard with my kids, or even take long walks around the neighborhood or the mall, it just sucks sometimes and I don’t really have anyone other than my husband to vent to.

Image credits: unicornbirth


Love this...
- my kids bath maybe once a week or when excessively dirty though we do wash hands frequently
- i rarely wash their hair, too much screaming
- we all have Covid and have screens on 10 hours a day and IDGAF
- i offer my kids treats when i know they will be quiet so i can shower, pee, drink coffee, etc
- i forget to brush their teeth often

But i love them fiercely and they love me. I'm not a perfect mom but i show up for them everyday.

Image credits: Tiny_Gold_6412


I let my 15 year old drink. Sometimes. With family and food.

If I -or my mother has- cooked full, fancy, meal, and we’re all sitting down to with either a full bottle or a split, he can have a up to a glass with his meal.

Image credits: anon


I don't limit screen time for my toddlers (3 and 2) the same as I did for their older brothers because I'm just burnt out. I don't make any of them eat vegetables every day. I will throw my shoe at my 3 year olds knees to trip him so I have an advantage when I'm chasing him down. My 2 year old has learned that I'm probably not coming to help her with things unless she pulls my shirt and gets me to come with her right then. My 5 year old hates people and I encourage it. My 7 year old is excessively competitive and driven by money and we extort that by paying him to clean rooms for a dollar or to race me in cleaning a room. My 3 year old is very trying and sometimes when I put him in timeout he puts himself down for nap and I love it. My 2 year old has eaten just the icing off at least 2 cupcakes today.


I'd half charge the iPad and when the battery died they were out of screen time for the day.

Now they can turn on computers and the Xbox so they don't use the iPad anymore, but it always bought me enough time in the mornings to have some coffee and get ready.


Every morning I let my kid sit in the front seat while I back the car out of our driveway. We stop before we reach the end of the driveway so she can get into her car seat. Brings me joy.


I coslept with my baby. I don't care at all about screen time. I allow a fun amount of treats and juice. I don't encourage sharing of her own things (public play equipment or shared toys is different). I let my toddler roam through the store with me as long as she is in eyesight. She plays video games on my phone.


Both my kids are neurodiverse and I feel sad and guilty as hell for giving them my s****y genetics. The youngest was just diagnosed this week and I told few people that I was mostly relieved to get some answers, but I'm also sad that both of them struggle so much with school and friends despite being really bright and sweet kids.


I am post partum 2 months. I had a c section and took more than a month to recover.

I always had help. My baby is EFF and hence, the nannies can take care of her without me. As a result, I didn't have to stay all nights awake with her full time as a nanny would be there.

And that makes me feel extremely guilty that I had it easy and didn't do as much for my daughter as new moms do. But I am awake and with her almost 16-18 hours a day, while the nanny helps me out to take care of her.


I haven't turned off the tv in 2 weeks. We have been home with covid, so my 3 year old has had unlimited screen time (we normally don't limit it, but we usually go outside for a few hours and do things other than watch tv, but I have not been up for it haha)


1. I don't think that screen time is inherently bad and don't limit how much of it my kids get. I limit what they do with their screen time. Twenty minutes of Roblox a day is all anyone needs, but if they get on Minecraft together they'll play nicely and work as a team toward common goals and strategize and problem solve. Why on earth would I be like "no, stop doing that, go back to fighting like you were doing before."

2. My daughter goes through stages where all she will eat is chips and salsa and I just shrug and tell myself that it's a vegetable. Sometimes my husband will doctor the salsa a bit with some meat or beans so she'll get some protein.

3. My son has spent the majority of his summer vacation laying around reading comic books. I don't think he went outside at all last week. Except to go to the library with me to get more comic books. I am fine with this.


Kids wear the same clothes for school and sleep 2 days straight because we bath every other day and I’m too lazy to change their clothes other than after bathing or if very dirty.

I only brush their teeth once a day.

I ditched safe sleep because my first had horrible flat head, my second slept so much better in his stomach, and my third I didn’t even try safe sleep and I don’t feel guilty at all.

I also sometimes drink too much while watching the kids. That I feel guilty about.


No screen limitations in my house. That’s how we get to have a life! Kids thrive at school. I’m a teacher so should “know better” but I’m also a human mom who is not on the clock once she gets home, lol.


My 11yo doesn’t have a bedtime or screen time restrictions (he has site/app restrictions).


Most nights I let my kid come into bed with me earlier than I “should”.

Everybody but me wants my kid to sleep in his own bed for the full night. My husband, both sets of grandparents, our family doctor - all making the point that 4 year olds should stay in their bed all night and that they absolutely shouldn’t sleep in their parents bed at all. I’m fine for him to start the night off in his own bed, and stay there for however long he lasts. That’s great - I get cleaning & TV time, and a nice chunk of uninterrupted comfortable sleep. But when my son calls out for me in the night, 90% of the time I’ll bring him straight into bed with me rather than get him back to sleep in his own bed.

I have nightly panic attacks thanks to a fear of death - my own and my family’s. I fall asleep listening to podcasts and audiobooks so that my brain doesn’t start to amp up into a panic. I have to check that my son is breathing before I go to bed myself, and if I wake during the night I have to get up and check again. Having him in bed with me means that I always know.

Yes, I know I’m probably f*****g my kid up in some way. Something about not being able to self-soothe - that’s what my husband rants about constantly.

He thinks that the reason I bring our son into our bed is because I haven’t been able to get him back to sleep. Or that I have a “rule” that I only bring him to bed with us if it’s past 4.30am (husband never checks the time when I bring our kid into our bed, and I use that to my advantage). Sometimes that’s true. But mostly it’s for a purely selfish reason on my part.

My sleep mostly sucks once my kid is in with me. He kicks me in the head, takes up tons of room, throws off the doona side that I wake up freezing, gives me very little pillow space, and generally annoys my husband (who, in his defence, does get the majority of the kicking). But it helps keep the panic attacks at bay.

It doesn’t always work - at least once this week I lay there, sweating and heart racing, willing him to fall back asleep quickly so I could race to the bathroom and throw up - but it does help. The only person who knows about this is my psychologist, who is working with me to curb the panic attacks so I can actually get some decent sleep for once.

My kid f*****g loves it - and honestly I don’t think I’m doing him too much of a disservice (on the nights I do put him back to sleep in his own bed he is completely fine, and I hear him put himself back to sleep sometimes when he wakes but doesn’t fully scream out for me). At some point he’s going to be too old to want to snuggle in bed with me - life goes past so quickly and he’ll be a tween before I know it, so I’m going to get the cuddles while I can. But I get so much judgement from everyone else in my life that I’ll never admit (outside here!) that I don’t discourage him coming into my bed in the middle of the night.


I keep the TV on all day with more adult shows (currently watching through Charmed), kid shows and movies. I let my 4 year old pass out on the couch in the living room while watching an ASMR video on YouTube then carry her to her bedroom because she doesn't fight with us about going to bed. I sleep trained my 8 month old (this feels taboo). I will never push college on my kids because I don't think it's necessary to be successful or make a decent living (my husband feels the same).
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